i am truly a believer now in afterlife, no matter what anyone says or thinks of me This is the very healthy 'inner talk', which is important for self-analysis. I held her hand, she cried for about 10 to 12 seconds before closing her eyes for ever, I didnt realized at the time but she had passed away in my hands, paramedics arrived 2 seconds after she had closed her eyes, she passed away by my side, I was the last person she saw alive. I totally understand your reticence with regard to what you tell your father. Ive cut and pasted from a previous conversation I had with another poster here on the subject. Those who later read these will know of her and your love for one another. They operated and two days ago suggested she go to a local hospice. By being fine I guess you mean his vitals returned to normal, since of course final stage dementia means never being fine again. She tried a number of alternative therapies, and perhaps they helped to some degree, I dont know. Waiting for morning. With my dad, once he was obviously at the end and could no longer remember how to swallow, we didnt hydrate just wiped his mouth to keep it moist. I will fight Heart and stroke, cancer and many other things whatever way I can to help people. Its not as simple as it sounds, i want to die, please tel me a way for it clearly, ive searched for it in many ways but im not getting the relevant answers, Is this normal? She was hearing the sounds of life (the life she created) around her. And all she wanted to do was run around the fence of the backyard looking for a escape, back to a happier time. It is strongly encouraged that you speak to your loved one even if they are unconscious. Increased secretions and reduced swallowing may cause. You should have seen Moms eyes light up. A month later my friends brother died aftr a bad fall at age 19. 1996-2021 MedicineNet, Inc. All rights reserved. We were able to talk about what it would be like without him and how much we would miss his but that we would all be ok. We were able to assue him that mum would be taken care of. The emergency nurse seemed really disgusted with the nurse; the doctor took it more in stride. Doctor show me his feet turn black. I followed him out of the room into the finished part of the basement and when I got to the other side of the door way, he was gone. She seemed so concerned about it that I almost got dressed to drive back downtown to the hospital, but ended up thinking, no Ill see him in the morning. We have given her more morphine and are waiting for the hospice nurse to come out for support. My sincerest thanks! The doctors moved him to the hospice room in the hospital. I stayed the night at her bedside and by the next morning she was completely unresponsive. 49206f6674656e206c696b6520746f20737065616b20696e207365656d696e676c792072616e646f6d206c65747465727320616e64206e756d626572732e Text to Hex Convertor Do others have experience of loved ones coming back from the brink? She was just 70 years old, but had been battling pulmonary fibrosis from complications of Rheumatoid Arthritis of the lungs for the last five years. He is now in a nursing home receiving comfort care and I am satisfied that his pain is under control. As best I can theres no formula to use to predict how many hours or daysremain. Healthline But in my fathers case they did issue him with some medication to prevent this happening. My 100 y.o. These three things are on a These posts have been such a comfort and I have found such enlightenment here. I also noticed at that time that the mottling seemed noticeably worse than it had just a few hours earlier. The honeymoon period was fairly short and so was the chemo. 10 mis after them leaving Mum died!!!!! The life expectancy in the United States, before COVID, was 78.7 years, and the current life expectancy for World in 2021 is 72.81 years, a 0.24% increase from 2020. Id like to share a couple of things I learned while working for hospice and at a nursing home. Jane, I am so sorry the way that happened, for you. That was mentioned just before the removal of her leg. Your husband lost his father a long, long time ago maybe even before he was born, and has been dealing with the grief of being an unfathered son for a long, long time. I am with my mother now, who is in hospice. The most difficult part of her dying was watching my father watch his wife of 59 years die. It was her time to go, but it doesnt make it any easier for me. When the dying process begins there is a loss of appetite and thirst. Mum was poorly several months ago and we were told she may not live but she rallied round and only three weeks ago when I was last able to visit her she was laughing, I do not know what about but we laughed with her and she seemed happy. Thank you, BJ. Can I offer another idea about what might be going on? Thus, their muscle tissues tend to start atrophy even though you daily force them to do Physiotherapy they might not have the strength to do it for instance after undergo Chemotherapy, Arrhythmia and Dementia. Yours is one of many that has made me sad and my heartfelt condolences goes out to. But one thing bothers us who loved him so much to be there for him to pass over.the staff offered to flip him over, which would hasten If she had fallen and broke her hip, that does not mean she would have passed any sooner. wow i posted on here about 1 month ago i lft GA. for IL. I asked the doctor if she was saying that, because my mother was 81, they should not waste resources on healing her even though she was otherwise healthy? My sister made an emergency trip across the country to visit all of us, and my mother decided to go on a drug that increases appetite. But losing Mom is so different than I probably ever imagined. Then it was coming up to his discharge date . Thanks so much to everyone for sharing your stories. 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? In fact, I have re-thought my opinion about heroic measures to prolong my life. But, when I and my siblings went to be with her she was very glad we did. You say you cry, though, remembering it. How can I get a Minecraft Gift Cide Generator Premium Be His overall snapshot of health seemed to really take a turn for the worse following an extended hospital stay after he accidentally discharged a firearm into his hand. It might have been worse for him feeling sorrow or guilt or helplessness at watching you crumple, as you would have had you never had even a few snatches of sleep. Reading through these posts 3 years on, has helped me feel less alone. I think she floated up and out of the room when we werent looking. This whole week I have had the weirdest dreams. He had the death rattle only I did not know it was that until reading these articles. i.) I had heard that the finger nails start to turn blue when the time is near, so when that started to happen, we all knew his time was near. There was a time over the last 3 years I thought she might not make it through another week. Peace be with all. I think at the end he may have had an additional stroke he had had one and survived it about a decade prior. My husband died just over two months ago. They are very knowledgeable, informative, caring. It could have thrown her into kidney failure. I found great comfort in this site and thank you for allowing me to share my feelings and thoughts. has anyone ever experienced your telephone to ring, and connect you to the business you were viewing on the internet? The digestive system is the first to be affected. So, I would start by asking questions, finding out exactly what is going on, what he doctors are saying. I did recognize many of the symptoms described originally. I remember going outside for a good cry and I somehow knew my dad could hear me and I said, Dad I know you will visit me, but when you do please leave me a sign so I know its not my imagination. All of a sudden the wind chimes started banging like someone was beating them together. She died yesterday with no warning, she was poorly and living with me, but yesterday morning she seemed odd, out of sorts and I had that feeling that she was going to go. BP machine is difficult to get a pulse on and she gets a ton of dilaudid, atropine and atavan around the clock. Hi, She had a hideously aggressive form of womb cancer that normally affects older women, she was 45. She had never been sick and always taken care of herself. I called the hospice nurse to help me control my Moms pain, and when she got there 2 hrs later, my Mom claimed she was not in any pain. I have POA and he does not want hospitals, rehab or extraordinary measures. She has had a number of small and one large stroke. They asked us if we wanted a nurse to stay but it didnt seem necessary. She came to my home with hospice 3 days ago. We tried to save her, but she was gone! The love that I felt for my own mom overwhelmed me by being in the company of her caring for my grandmother. so I told her that if the danger was that terrible, why were they even doing a biopsy? I think I have a handle on letting go until morning comes and the demands of the day bring me back to reality. In the initial visit at which we were told the diagnosis, the urologic oncologist had a positive disposition and informed us that he had had patients who had lived ten+ years. Its not like they can do anything for the rear end also The last time she was in the hospital, they had to cath her and we learned how to have bowel movements with a cath. Does this happen often? If we had got her to hospital earlier would she have been strong enough for the chemo therapy that could of given her more time with us? He seems to enjoy the ipod we have in his room. In the last two weeks, she has gone from walking around and still going to school to being bedridden, on oxygen and has a feeding tube. Thanks to everyone who posts on here. Remember dad on his death anniversary with words that capture his amazing impact on your life. And it cannot be crushed. Best wishes. It must be harder to stop nutrition for a younger person. The grief is different as it feels now as if Im mourning the couple and parents they were. His paintings are awesome. They released her to my aunts house, under the care of the local hospice. I was resting on my couch and I heard him call my name several times like he always did when he stopped by to have a cup of coffee calling out to see if I was home. At the time, I truly did not think this was a priviledge to watch my father suffer. So I guess my question is for anybody who has had experience with this. medical abbreviations, acronyms, and terminology used by doctors and other Me and my family are keeping vigil with my dying grandfather, who is in a coma from severe bleeding in his brain after a fall. Thanks for your reply, I am anger, but each day is getting better. She hasnt tolerated her chemotherapy, had one problem after another creating delays in continued treatment, and at this point, I feel deep in my heart that this meeting will be the beginning of the end. Do you have a hospice person to consult? It is not a happy time, and I feel for you. I promised her I would always take care of her children. My mum followed the pattern you brought to my attention. Thank you for sharing. When I got there, I started speaking to him and he struggled to open his eyes and tried to talk or to smile. Hi One persons story, My mother did the same exact thing when she passed away on Jan 19. I could get my mother and my brother come back and watch him. (Mama was in this Nursing Rehab facility last year and requested to be sent back there, because she really like the people there.). I am in Canada, so dont know where you are visavis the medical system; while we have publicly funded medical, it is really strapped, and I know when my dad passed and near the end, I still 3 months later question some of the way things were handled. And drs dont tell you till the last final hours that a person is going to die, which makes waiting and hoping so much harder. BJ, Dear Deborah R, Its not like you can plug respiration, pulse, blood pressure, and temperature into an equation and get a timeframe. I know several people the elder advocate being one of them who dislikes hospice greatly. Jesus has taught me to forgive, and has taught me to hate the sin, NOT the sinner. For years Ive asked her to stop worrying. Everyone is different. Sorry if this seems depressing. I asked if they minded if I took a listen. . I am sorry for you alls loss. For some reason, I find comfort in these words. My father will be leaving me any time now. I would want this time to put my life in order and if I hadnt been told, I would have wasted precious time not saying the things I wanted to say to those I love. The main problem was boredom. Although my dad stayed where he was and stared at her. I was able to get him to sip two small cups of fluid that was like jello, afterwards he started to cough and could not stop, I rang for the. But she stopped worrying about everything. All the drugs to keep him alive were removed. It never hurts to call and ask hospice anything. Information and translations of mumbling in the most comprehensive My baby sister and her hubby drove over on the 6th. JT, you are in mourning. I am not trying to criitcize the medical system, but some of the medical people act like god it seems, and do things and dont want to tell us why. I feel like Ive already lost her once because of the dementia and Im about to lose her again. I am on some off time right now -thus how I can respond so quickly (in case you might wonder); Karen, I didnt clue in that your loss is so recent only a week ago. So I have walked this road with you. Hospice care can also give you additional support and knowledge throughout the dying process. Im speechless, other than it reminds me in a lot of ways of my fathers passing. There is a very different category of self-talk that is on the rise, as a passive product of an underlying psychological condition that is affecting a sizable chunk of the young Indian population. Docs come back and say all looks great, no sign of cancer. He had grown accustomed to watching whatever he wanted via Netflix, and as this room had a shared TV, that wasnt an option for him. I was very informed about the physical stages of the death process, however I was not prepared for the spiritual occurences that my father experienced along with me and others in my family. Following this, the doctor took me aside and told me that my father was not going to recover, and that the best they could do was put him on an morphine drip once the family was all gathered to say their good-byes. I am thinking about you and your mom. I dont think they should have done that what do others think . She calls my name and says let me go. Hospice Care Stages of Dying - Oasis Hospice Its very difficult, but Im so glad my dad will find peace very soon. Well, Mom moved on on Sept. 30. NEWBIES ARE ROCKING!! Im a two-time survivor of cancer myself, so I know what it does. I have a pretty good idea but not so sure I really want to know. i stayed with mom from the time they called hospice till the end it was about 6 weeks. I found this blog through the exact search that the blog author did. It does help to write, doesnt it but not just to write, but to know you are read, at least by one other person, but probably many, many more. Its been years since I had any signs of my dad and while they were really scary at the moment, they also brought me some peace and comfort. Made more sense after I had that little piece of information. She wanted to know that our beloved dog would be loved and cared for, once mommie left. All of your blogs are of great comfort to me. Id recommend clicking on the secondary links in the article as well, especially the one on what to expect when youre in the room with a person who is dying. The other 1/2 of the time the person who was dying just could not let go. I pray that the foundation your beloved and his doctors have started, takes hold and grows. My grandson. I wont forget and I will remember in 24-7. You are very strong. But the vent is up to 80% it was 90% but they turned it down some. Ill leave this one discovery for others to reap the benefits of when it came time that my Dad could not talk, could not eat, could not squeeze his hand closed on mineI would say, Gimme a kiss Dad. Yeah, she could go prepare a baked Alaska if she wanted too, as well. Pages with good, solid information like this are so incredibly valuable. She laughed and sometimes smiled, and it was nice to see her be that way. I wish I could be there for her and my sister. Perhaps your husband did not so much give up as realize he was beat and that fighting would have accomplished either nothing or a few more days or weeks of agony. I dont mind an email back, either. Good luck to you and god bless; my thoughts are with you. old and is taking this really hard, she says no one should go before their parent, he is the oldest of all of us and their are 10 of us, but she is staying strong just like the rest of us for him. 1 Neshminy interplex, Feasterville-Trevose, PA 19053, USA. last minute. I truly believe this. I noticed something rare, where I thought she was just getting up. I love you Mum, with all my heart. I felt his forehead and hands were warm. The next few days he improved, and he kept asking why he was still around. In the end she broke down telling me how scared she was, that was the first time she admitted fear. (v. She ate probably three times as much as she had been eating over the last couple weeks, and I had already scaled her serving side back to maybe 1/4 of what it used to be. I believe I saw a hospice related question in earlier blogs. Last January she began to decline much quicker. Such invaluable information. Thank you kindly, and I will follow your advice & make two copies. My only answer was,I know that Jesus hasnt taken you home yet because you still have a purpose, and when that purpose is fulfilled, He will take you home. I am so glad that all who have found comfort here found this page. Ive been where you are, searching for answers, trying to figure out why everything changed in the blink of an eye; most of the poster here have that is why we found this site, I think. He sent me a text this morning with a picture of a street sign called Lois Ann Lane. I smiled and said, Thanks Dad!. When he had gone for several minutes without a breath we knew it was over and he finally was where he wanted to be. Then, I said Mama if you dont want me to go, I wont, I will sleep in the other bed here in your room with you. He had few symptoms other than tiredness, and even that was not noticeable because his pain reduced to such a degree that his activity level doubled. A very good friend of mine sent me this quote from Augusten Burroughs, in the Wall Street Journal. Im so paranoid though, I see all of these signs now. What I have heard is that even hospice nurses are surprised it seems, I think, more often how long someone lives than the reverse. Shed grunt if you spoke loudly to her but she was mainly unresponsive. I asked my father Are you ok? He right looked at me and answered he was fine. again i am sorry for your loss. He had been deemed terminal last summer, but like someone else said on here with their relative, it is wierd to see someone go from driving, walking, mobile functional, to more and more wheelchair bound, not driving, not walking to basically bedridden and then dieing all within basically 9 months. Living abroad, I don;t really have anyone to talk to about it so I apologize that this has been a long post but feel it has been very cathartic. And not feeling well, constantly having UTIs, partly due to her having to have a urinary cath. I always wondered if they did somehting as it just seemed to come out of the blue. This may cause the person to mumble to stay away from the negative light. when i got there mom and i were curious what is going to happen they told us and gave us littature. It was like a light had gone out in his eyes, like he had given up the fight. Gelastic seizures are named after the greek word for laughter, "gelastikos.". after her cancer removal surgery which included removing her rectum and part of her lower bowel and needing a stoma for a colostomy bag, that lead to blood clots cutting off all circulation in her left leg and caused her to have to have that leg amputated off above the knee. Essentially we went very rapidly from not being aware that my dad HAD cancer to being told that he had two aggressive cancers, was at stage 4, and that without any kind of treatment he would not live four months. My son is 14 this year, and im trying to impart my wisdom, by making jokes about when i go, and i think it works well, although i appreciate this would not be an idea that appeals to everyone. She didnt see us, she didnt want to care for her son, her house was unkept-so out of character for her. My Mama had similar breathing towards the very end. I felt his hand was cold. I feel guilty for thinking that she might die but I donlt want her to live bedridden and confused like she is. Then arriving as in birth is a struggle as well . An autopsy will be done on Monday and I have to be interviewed by the police because her death was sudden. She could hardly move or walk, & she was been sick throughout the day. She was in a place far, far away, her eyes were staring up past the ceiling as though she could see right past it, and she told me that some man had kept her up all night the night before singing. Too late. Im still a little mad at him, but my daughter encourages compassion. Me: Because your legs dont work anymore and your heart is failing and isnt pumping well.

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